20060518

Epigraph

So much in Barthes on the fragment and on the journal: my preferred forms:
"His first, or nearly first text (1942) consists of fragments; this choice is then justified in the Gidean manner 'because incoherence is preferable to a distorting order'" (93).

Incoherence is preferable to a distorting order!
This might serve as my epitaph.

This preference, so strong in me, does not reveal an affinity for incoherence (which I usually hold to be contemptible) so much as an affinity (or yearning) for an order that is not distorted, and an aversion to the point of violent repugnance to having any part in the imposition of an order that is false, distorted.

The Dream of the Perfect Book

I was sleeping at my uncle's house in Hookwood when I had the dream of the perfect book. Page after page, it was written expressly for me. It was, in fact, the perfect mirror of my own mind laid out for my eyes to read, in words that captured everything with unfailing and comprehensive precision. The author of this perfect book, in my dream that night, was none other than God, though this went without saying, the unerring conclusion to which my dreaming mind leapt. The existence of the book proved the existence of God, and in my dream I somehow became aware that when I awoke all I would have to do is transcribe the pages that appeared to me in my dream and I would have successfully authored the perfect book myself, proving the existence of God by a kind of mystical calculus and simultaneously establishing myself as not only an author, but as the most significant author of my time, of all time, even.

I awoke from the dream in the night feeling wonderful and excited, and blessed that I had had such a dream. I knew that I should take up pen and paper immediately.

But it was dark, and my bed was comfortable. And there was some complicating feature of the perfect book in my dream. It seemed that God had written it in a mosaic of cut-out bits of newsprint, fonts all haphazard. Somehow, at various points in the book, or in the center of the book, certain words or phrases or sentences spoke to me, letting me know that they were meant for me. There was something tricky and magical about this, and I realized even in my sleepy state that the certainty I had felt about being able simply to transcribe the pages I had seen was itself just another part of the dream.

Stormcloud of Unknowing

Barthes is right and wrong when he asserts that writing "by refusing to assign a 'secret,' an ultimate meaning, to the text (and to the world as text), liberates what may be called an anti-theological activity, an activity that is truly revolutionary since to refuse to fix meaning is, in the end, to refuse God and his hypostases--reason, science, law."

This "truly revolutionary" activity of refusing to fix meaning is anti-theological and is a refusal of "God and his hypostases--reason, science, law"...yes and yes again (for what he says here is eminently comprehensible). BUT, I see the revolutionary activity of refusing to fix meaning as even more radical.

We collect what data we can, as reliably as we can, sensitive to the relative position of the observer, sensitive to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. We collect and do not deliberately alter or invent data that is then presented as unaltered and collected.

We do not fix meaning, for to fix meaning would be to assert that we know more than we possibly know (to assert, in short, that all of the data is in). We may hypothesize, theorize, fantasize all we like about the meaning of the data that we have collected (and why not? it is a joy for some and bears fruitful yield of further data and data caches). But we do not forget that fixity of meaning is proscribed by relativity and by the immmensity and unpredictability of uncollected data in space and time.

We true revolutionaries of the twenty first century refuse those "hypostases--reason, science, law" in order to recover those other hypostases, the truer fundamentals of our relative position with regard to everything else: that there is an immensity and unpredictability of uncollected data in a space-time that is itself either infinite or not yet finally calculable.

In the context of these fundamentals--immensity, incalculability, and unknowing--the so-called "hypostases" of reason, science, and law, God and theology, along with all other human inventions, are brought into the sharp light of recollection, and crumble to dust, their spurious fixity broken and shattered.

We refuse to fix meaning, because we do not have either the scope or the tools necessary to fix it. We collect and we theorize, letting our imaginations play without forgetting that it is play.

Sometimes we may imagine that there is someone who holds together in a single field all the traces, all of the bits and fragments of data, by which the world as text (and the written text) is constituted. And sometimes we may imagine that there is no single field that can hold it all together, that only a plurality of fields can hold it all. And other times we may imagine that it all simply cannot be held, that some of it (though not this fallen catbird, in this particular icebox) is thrown out in handfuls, fleeting, uncollected, irrecoverable.

We float, as Barthes dreamt of floating. And yet we are not without fundament and underpinning, we have our hypostases: a secure sense of our own relativity contained within immensity, incalculability, and the tremendous stormcloud of unknowing. There is a faith here and a fundamentalism: our eyes open, an umbrella at hand.

The Allure of the Fragment

I am not sure that we have access to true order except via careful observation of the minutiae that compose history and individual experience alike. Nor am I sure that even such careful observation gives us the ability to compass, comprehend, present, express the order to which it gives us access. Careful observation gives us fragments of a whole, or only just fragments--the shattered facets of perception--and the whole is only the figment of our yearning. I cannot be sure, I would like to believe, I will not represent my desire as an order. Even short of the ripple-effect that might result from such an act of distortion, I risk missing something by dedicating myself to the composition of such an order. Hence the allure, the trick, of the fragment. I can get it down between glances. I can leave off at a moment's notice. I can signify without insisting on the magnitude of my significance, accept that I am a feature in the landscape without inflating my prominence.